Then, with the help of Tom Laramee, the Rules of Stud was posted on a the web in 1996 (or was it 1995?) for the rest of the world to see. The first electronic version was served up from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA. Since then it his lived, moved, and grown, next moving back to the University of New Hampshire web server in 1997 and then onto Seattle, WA on winslam.com in the year 2002. In the meantime, The Rules has enjoyed the spotlight on Cruel.com, Memepool.com, and ShotGunRules.com. See the Cruel.com archive from May 2001 "Pride Goeth Before the Stud". Or see the Memepool.com archive from 6 August 2000. There's also another related Cruel.com archive from November 2002 "The World's Oldest Salad Dressing".
Table of contents for
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Rule #1: General UseStud, with exception, is preceded by, "I + predicate (verb)."
As an example:
speaker: "I visited your sister today." listener: "Stud".
Rule #2: Appropriateness Of Use (a restriction of Rule #1.)The statement preceding stud must be appropriate in order for stud to be used properly. An example of inappropriate stud is,
speaker: "I broke my arm playing monopoly today."Stud should not follow this type of statement. An appropriate declaration must announce the speaker's arrogance. This is a difficult rule to master and requires experience.
Rule #3: Stud ImpliedSometimes stud should follow a statement which, grammatically speaking, does not follow the "I + predicate." format. The requirement that stud be sounded in this case requires, of course, that the speaker be displaying (or implying) some sort of arrogance. For example,
speaker: "My mother beat up your father today." listener: "Stud".Stud implied also applies to actions which announce arrogance (showing off). Let's say you're walking down the hall and somebody (like Brian Savage) says,
Brian: "Watch this."He throws a football at a hall phone (mounted on the wall) hitting the receiver off the hook. Then he raises his hands.
listener: "Stud".should be sounded because it is implied by the action, not by anything he may have said.
Note: "Stud". by itself is a complete sentence. It is similar to the command set of verbs (i.e. Go., Listen., etc.) in which you, the subject, is implied. In the case of, "Stud" "You are a" is implied.
Rule #4 Stud Timing#4A: Effectiveness of the term "stud" hinges on timing -à la bonne heure. A novice usually isn't alert of this crucial factor. If stud can be sounded before an appropriate sentence can be completed it comes across most effectively, delighting the audience. For example,
speaker: "I came in first pla..." listener: "Stud".A tardy stud may suffer from a loss of potency.
#4B: Delaying stud beyond the norm is also allowed as well as appropriate. Stud applies to the last thing said by the last speaker, hence, the sounding of stud may be delayed as long as no one has spoken further and/or the conversation has not progressed. Exactly how long stud can be delayed is a gray area. Easily up to 15 seconds of silence, possibly 30, may ensue a declaration of arrogance. As long as what the last speaker said is still in the audience's short term memory stud may be sounded.
Rule #5 Stud VolumeThe volume at which stud should be sounded is directly proportional to the magnitude of the declaration of arrogance. This is a rather difficult rule to illustrate on paper:
speaker: "I won a game of monopoly today." listener: "Stud".should be sounded at conversational volume. On the other hand:
speaker: "I won a game of monopoly with $100,000 to spare today." listener: "STUD!"should be sounded at a louder volume because a greater degree of arrogance has been declared.
Note: A loud stud would apply to the example given in rule #3.
Rule #6: A Comment on StyleSomeone experienced may acquire their own way of saying stud. A good reference is Mr. Richard George Metropolis. After being introduced to the expression Mr. Metropolis reacted accordingly with his own version pronounced "staahd".
Rule #7: The QueenWith the word stud comes a masculine association. Therefore instead of labeling a female with stud she is declared "The Queen". The Queen is the female equivalent of stud and all the rules above apply.
Rule #8: Plural StudWhen addressing a group of people well versed in arrogance use stud in it's plural form -studs. "Studs" is sounded if the group is all male or of mixed gender. "The Queens" is sounded only if the group is all female.
Rule #9: Stud Etiquette[formerly Observation #3, added 23 Dec 03]
If you find yourself on the receiving end of stud, the proper response is, "Thank You". Acceptance of the matter, regardless of how surprising, is the most graceful and knowledgeable response. This has finally graduated to a rule after about ten years on the observation list. [*] As a side note, purposely leaving out the thank you reply can also be used as a form of communication.
[*] Something to consider: "If someone doesn't respond with a 'Thank
You' within 45 seconds, the stud is retroactively changed to a
'sally'." -Steven Farrow